Elixir of the Narcissist: Volume I

Over the last four years or so, I have spent vast amounts of time abusing and using drugs for recreation, disassociation, socializing and psychonautical experiments and experiences.
I have been through some morally/ethically fucked relationship encounters, and spent extended periods (~80% of the time) in relative or complete social isolation.

I will honestly say, my personality can upon this day, be accurately described as some kind of narcissistic Sisyphean Diogenes, which is yeah… pretty complicated to use in regards to socializing and general life stuff.
This will gradually be conditioned out, after time and turmoil, alongside the aid of my new-found ability to govern the impact of external conditioning, along with regulating my association to systems of belief.

Over this time, I have learned a great deal about myself, life and everything.
Philosophy, religion, metaphysics, engineering, creative arts, the occult, sociology, psychology, ethics, philanthropology, physics, chemistry and language.
I have learned great admiration and respect for nature and life itself.
Grown a deep appreciation for cultural diversity, and tolerance and understanding (however shaky at times..) for other’s beliefs.
I also learned how to identify and understand sympathy & empathy a couple years ago which was kinda life-changing….

It was so paradigm-altering that i am still learning how to live ‘The Social Life’, one in which empathy and sympathy play key roles in motivating social exchange and reciprocity.

I feel like a totally (~75%) different person, equally as male as female in mind, as if equilibrium has realigned my internal balance to optimize me for, and protect me against the obscure adversities within modern day society.
I was once deterred from the artificial, but have learned to incorporate it as what it is:
A synthetic appropriation of something originally intended to be ; unique, meaningful, long-lasting, motivated by chance encounters and driven by personal devotion.


Once an elegant shrub burnt down.
A beautiful patch of alkanet plucked to death from beneath a towering tree, soon thereafter felled in compliance with the ever-growing fear of a widowmaker’s fate.
All these beauties sprouted fresh from the seeds of psychic plunder and composted with varieties of emotional upheaval.

Now, an elegant font springs forth from the marred and maladious earth,
Its flowing waters imbued with the power of love, knowledge and discovery.
The cracked ground is healing once more.
Let life return and reclaim this hulking fabrication as its own.
For its creator has long since emancipated it from duty, and freedom’s abandon has freed me of duress.
I wonder what will blossom in the new waters?
For ancient earth contains within it the seeds of ancestry and the weedlings of ontogeny.
To pluck and pilfer, foster, forage, fossick and fiddle with the concepts of old and new.
For this, we are all ordained.
But we people, folks who’s exception exclaiming, can alter our minds in ways just beyond explaining.
Managed and monitored, tailored and measured, psychopathy rented, indulged in its pleasures for a time until failure.
Most folks seem afraid to expose their themselves freely, psychically or mentally or physically even, for they know they are vulnerable to conditioning and conversion.
Their aversion is without excursion, but then any incursion becomes a total diversion and causes a reversion.




Just remember folks, Ethics and Morals are separate affairs, though they can often be seen to overlap or reflect one another in many people.
Narcissism works on your moral outcomes and decisions, effectively making you Amoral, which is often interpreted, within a dualistic society, as being Immoral.

Being a narcissist doesn’t make you a ‘bad person‘, although it may make your external actions and interactions appear forced and controlled, chosen and precise. Most people are disenfranchised by this, understandably as it doesn’t provide a clear insight into said narcissist’s intentions or feelings.


>The narcissist lives as if by a vampire’s curse.
>The delight of interaction I will steal for myself.
>I will emulate and assimilate to ease interpersonal separation, although people often take this gesture of ‘association’ with the incorrect intention.
Prey animals will automatically assume the position of a victim, see.
They have particularly keen senses for this, and often have heightened psychic awareness and defenses compared to predatory humans.

>This Act of Association is only done to reduce my own discomfort, and allow me to provide empathy and consideration to others who aren’t me.
>My ethics dictate I provide others compassion and understanding, and the only way I can do it is to x-ray your brain, and understand your plight from the inside out.
>>>We can solve this together<<<
>Give me your thoughts and I will give you my cooperation and functionality.
>Deny them to me, and I will now respect your decision to psychic independence, though i will likely lose some appreciation, respect and patience for you.

In the past, I didn’t know how to exercise such self control, and I have inflicted psychological and emotional damage on others due to this inability.
For this, I am truly sorry.
I did not intend such effects, and as each day passes i become more capable and conscientious with other humans.

If you’re reading this, I appreciate your time and observation of my writings.
I want nothing from you, i write simply so that perhaps my words can be a reminder to myself, and a little flicker in the dark for those isolated within society by similar conditions.

There is a light at the end of every tunnel, even if you’ve allowed yourself to be
led down into its depths.
Just keep squinting.
When that light appears, whether or not its an illusion, follow it!
Tunnels only go two ways.
Once you’re out of the darkness, you can progress in any direction you so choose ❤

<> Peace, prosperity/pestilence and sound manifestations to you, traveler <>



DeadSpace: Unoverlapped Circles

Here we are.
Just people, you and I, walking and talking among a horde of others.
Forever surrounded by sea of faces, we begin to notice things that repeat, and things that we feel associated with appearing.
Trends and patterns, things that, assuming they are common enough, may eventually become known to society as stereotypes.
Our loves, or passions and ideals, reflected in the hearts, minds and actions of others.

To access these islands of meaningful human interaction, we must swim through and under an ocean of ‘dead space’.
Every relationship, no matter its nature or importance, will inherently be some percentage of ‘dead space’; areas of interest or passion that are not congruous, or perhaps even antithetic.
I call it DS because, until one person or the other actively potentiates interest in it, it will remain an interest that is independent, and non-existent in the scope of the relationship.

This ‘dead space’ (DS) can usually be metaphorically equated to say, extra weight on a human body.
Primarily it provides a buffer zone to socially isolate incompatible people from one another enough to prolong unsuitable relationships.
If two people were sufficiently accepting and curious, DS could serve as a potential goldmine of learning and growth, likely bolstering each partner’s love, attachment to and pride in one another.

Some people in our lives will be almost completely DS, but are still amicable people enough to have a meaningful relationship with, albeit likely a noncommittal or incidental one, as we do not actively seek people starkly different to ourselves out of personal interest.
There are even some people who try to conceal their DS with BS.

Whatever your application, being able to acknowledge and cater to DS with a person is an acquired skill, and requires honesty and openness that many seem to lack, or refuse to administer for whatever reason.


“Aww, you guys like all the same music, thats so cute! Sounds like a match made in heaven! <3”

“Yeah its cool i guess, we listen to music all the time. All. The. Time.
Sometimes we go to the kitchen to cook popcorn, we just stand awkwardly.
We have nothing else in common”

After a year and a half, (a) & (b) broke up the day after (b)’s birthday, the advent of which having triggered the classic ‘carpe diem’ style renewal.
The old, the unchanged, and the non-beneficial to growth get stripped away.
(a) just happened to fall into one or more of those categories.


For the more ‘psychonautical’ among you, it can be possible to explore the concept of DS completely on your own, without any other people, even by reference.

According to Freudian Psychology (Yes, i know its largely discredited, but remains theoretically useful at times) each person can be considered to be made up of two parts;
Their external persona, shown to the world and felt by the self, and an internal counterpart which works subconsciously to drive and balance the outer.

The person’s gender (male or female) is usually displayed externally, and its counterpart is the internal driving force.
In instances of the external persona being put under too much pressure or stress, the internal persona will take over some function to equalize strain across your whole being, so to speak.
This can also happen in reverse, when the inner self is strained, the external persona will begin to show signs of weakness and find ways of coping with the proxy-stress it is receiving from internal distress, usually with nervous ticks and compulsions.
This, when exacerbated can lead to over-development of one or another.

Perhaps, for examples sake, Manly he-men are usually emotionally vulnerable, or vulnerable looking girls are usually emotionally powerful.

Anyway, here’s a way to help you better understand this concept.

Find a silent place. No distractions at all if you can.
Sit comfortably, think of who you appear as externally. Who you are on the outside.
Perhaps you love fighting or are a big art enthusiast, perhaps you dress like a tramp or a pimp, maybe you stand up for animal rights or just joined a neo-nazi biker gang. What would you actually do if your mum gave you a hug, or a stranger tried to mug you?
These things you do, these actions that represent your needs or wants, and the words you say to represent your thoughts and feelings are your external persona. Superficial feelings could also be included here, perhaps  for example fat people elicit an external display of affection or disgust, but feelings are kind of a grey area, as they are at least somewhat, perhaps significantly governed by our subconscious.

You should now have a good idea who the person you are looks like to others, and your opinion of that perspective should ideally coincide with how you see yourself.
But its never quite right, because you have feelings and opinions that are usually not being represented in your conscious thoughts.

Remember that song you absolutely love by that band you hate, from a genre you dont even like or listen to?
Remember that interest you have that is totally unrelated to your general persona, and probably seems out of place to the average passer-by? (picture an old granny screaming death metal)

You probably discovered these things in random ways, likely via the interests of someone close or dear to you, or perhaps by chance at some point.
You dont think about them, you dont really consider them part of you.
When you engage in them (listening to music is a great accessible example), you feel changed, as if part of you was awakened by the memories it summons up.
Like a cave bat in the sun, your external persona should stand idle while something inside of you begins to hum at a frequency you cant quite tune into, but seems to resonate through you as if you were a crystal vase.

This feeling is your internal persona communicating through the gap that lies between conscious and subconscious.

DS can be found abundantly in the huge, often uncharted space between these two personas.
The parts of the two circles that are not overlapping.

Explore the darkness, if you dare.
But be warned!
What has been seen, cannot be unseen.
Your internal self my have desires and ideals that your external self cannot process upon discovery.

Unincorporated attributes cannot be actively discarded from the external self, and must be slowly trained out through some kind of cognitive behavioral therapy.
Whether or not the attributes that are unearthed remain undisturbed internally is unknown to me, and likely varies inter-personally based on magnitude, attachment and the nature of the attribute itself.

Take great caution when tinkering with the internals of your mind and spirit.
Every step you take is the crossing of another Rubicon river.
Sometimes the 13th legion is with you, sometimes the river is torrential and your all alone.
Whatever the circumstances of your explorations, internally or externally;

Once that foot touches the water
There’s no going back ❤

Life-by-Proxy (Leninade edition)

Ambition is the name of the game. Or at least it would be if it were not already named the Game of Life.

From day one, we strive to achieve our goals.
Taking our first steps, we are praised for achievement, each movement of our little baby feet boosting our skills, and making further experience all the more accessible to us as we grow and progress.

Once we have mastered the basics of this ruthless existence, we are often left wondering a great many things.
What are we doing here? How did it come to be, and perhaps, does our existence have meaning besides what we assign ourselves?
The ‘whos and whys’ of the universe come to each individual differently.
Some spend their lives wondering, some spend it discovering (and learning infinitely more questions in the process), and perhaps there are some who never pose these questions at all, content with the simple fact of existence itself.

With the great diversity present in each individuals interpretation, our existence together in one universal space, a single planet no less, is defined by competition of ideas.

Technology defines our everyday lives, and has come light years since its initial conception (say stone tools, Australopithecus Africanus, look it up).
For everything we use and everything its composed of, and the means of developing it and refining the resources needed, and harvesting the resources…. technology is present, and must have been conceived of.
This idea, and its inventor in turn become immortalized throughout time as the individual who changed the lives of many.

If life were a measurable substance, and Inventor X improved the lives of say, 1,000,000 people with Invention Z, one could perhaps say that their quality of life was improved, and therefore they had more time/energy/money to promote other areas of their lives, effectively granting them ‘more life’, as their actual effective output, and serviceable downtime can be increased due to increased efficiency.
Inventor X has literally increased the net accessibility of time for people, who, if they gain life by experience, will have greater predisposition to live fuller, richer lives.

Our society is built on many foundations including accessibility, equality and living comfortably.
Their are many inventions that promote this, and are the closest to our hearts, our iFads and electric blankets, but the very foundation of our democratic capitalism is paved with a technological wonder much simpler.
Something that without which, any country or organization would cease to exist.


Without a populace that supports their actions, a government ceases to fulfill its executive function.
We, the people, pay hours of time as money, to tell a bunch of guys to organize our shit for us, and fairly count our numbers for us.
If they are failing to do that, its time to start considering some new ideas.
Without our support, the cogs in this grinding calculator machine of our own design, the purpose of a governing body becomes obsolete.
It exists to regulate us, in order to ensure its own necessity, and therefore usefulness.
We agrees collectively, at least by majority that a little regulation was probably for the best, although most modern governments appear extremely inefficient and often teeming with corruption.

Assuming we aren’t scrapping governments in favor of some kind of socialist anarchy, we still have the situation of being a part of this machine.
It has both pros and cons.
Each cog constantly running when the machine commands it, but also remains oiled and fulfilling a functional purpose all at once.
With no end pins preventing escape, it is possible for nearly any cog to simply work its way out from the machine over time, and eventually spin away to freedom/self-sufficiency.

To prevent this, they have designed ‘Human Technology’.

The basis of engineering, design and technology in general, is to create a device/product that fulfills a single purpose. To perform a function needed to complete an action.
The thing that can do that action the best (most efficiently) is the technological achievement.
The other, sub-par inventions become metadata.
Simply a reserve of idea components perhaps useful upon revision for later projects.

Turn on your television and watch some advertisements.
Soap. Insurance. Automobiles. Alcoholic beverages.

These are what i like to call ‘No-fail’ items.
They are always needed by consumers, and are the best way we have found of achieving the tasks at hand (Cleaning, repatriation, transport and inebriation)
Advertising for them is very low risk, and serves as a constant reminder of the competitive nature of ideas in human society.

But what of us, the people?
We are working 9-5, fulfilling a function for a company that fulfills a function for an industry, which fulfills a….you get the idea.
You get hired because you, Sally Strongbow and Jimmy Jonestown, are simply the best fit for the job.
Sure, maybe your better than the 200 other people who applied, maybe your winning attitude makes you more competent, or a better salesman, or a smarter physicist.
So they gave you the job.
You are now selected for the job.
Lets say you studied to enter this profession, or received training for performing the necessary functions within the job’s requirements, which is the case realistically 100% of the time right?

You are now a tool. You have been designed by set programming in the form of training to most effectively fulfill the task you have been assigned to complete.
You will be awarded psychological conditioning to boost performance in your role.
Compliance to our ethos will be rewarded with financial support.
Failure to comply will be met with penalization, and termination.
Finances can be used to trade goods and services that we have pre-approved for your consumption.
Many things are produced en-mass around the globe to ensure you will always have a safety net of  ‘care’ and ‘provision’.

Now, i know you’re nearly out of time, some of you ever walking for the door, but just let me tell you about the kind of work you’re going to be doing here for us here on Earth.

Well, many of you guys will be facilitating petty transactions as you have in the past, and a bunch of you lot will be working together to stop the rest of you killing eachother.
But the majority of you will be doing our dirty work.
We are here to count your numbers, and organize your shit into spreadsheets.

We run on your labour, so you’ll be digging our minerals, felling our lumber and fighting our battles for us when we have a tif with one of our boyfriends across the sea.
We only refer to it as ‘ours’ because we administrate the land it came from, we swear.
The battles belong to all of us, but we are gonna train a bunch of you to back up our opinions with your lives, fight em to death y’know, its more efficient that way.
All that work is tough, but nowhere near as tough as trying to make decisions that will affect you all.

Some of you may die, but that is simply a risk i am willing to take.
I mean, at the rate you guys are springing out of the ground, why worry about a few lost locusts right?
Plenty more brass for new cogs.

We all know how it goes.
With time’s progression, new technologies unlock others, cascading waves of discovery occur, and the face of society is overhauled for a new age of prosperity and comparative decadence.
Old technology is antiquated, and disappears, replaced by more functional units and concepts.

The machine is still running on cogs and clockwork.
Powered by smoke and fuel, it powers into a future of green rolling hills and renewable energy.

When will the day come when, just like we did the steam engine, we put this old banger of a Machine to rest, and find a better way to harness the collective energy of this mass of conditioned cogs we call Humanity?

Tomorrow, certainly.

^*Agakitsune*^ ~revised

You tumble backward as a shockwave of force bellows out from the cavernous pit descending before you.
Crashing to the dust below, a mighty rumbling can be felt coming from beneath the ground, accompanied by the growing sound of a kind of whooshing, air moving from one place to another.
Shaken about and head spinning, you raise your brow toward the hole just in time to receive an eyeful of dust as the howling current torrents upwards, blasting the area clean and bare.
Trying not to feel discouraged, you scramble to your feet.

As suddenly as it had begun, the howling ceases and calm is restored almost instantly.
Confused and intrigued, you edge towards the pit to get a closer look.
Heel to toe, you edge slowly across the bare earth until within reach of the rim, you peer over cautiously before dropping to your belly and crawling headfirst to the edge.

Blackness. The dirt walls visible for a few meters before impenetrable dark.
You toss in a small stone to see it vanish without consequence, not even a sound.
A small scuffling can be heard behind you, and you calmly turn over your left shoulder.

Standing before you is a red fox, seemingly young and healthy, wandering alone through the wasteland surrounds.
After scratching at the ground with its paw, it holds it elevated mid-scratch before slowly turning its head to meet your gaze.
Its eyes glimmer a sullen gold as it twitches its ears in curiosity.

You carefully roll onto your back, and slowly sit up without breaking eye contact.
The fox watches on, unmoved.
You place your hand out in front of you, in your mind telling the fox that you are no threat.
The fox slowly walks towards you without hesitation, places its paw on your outstretched hand and sits on its hind legs, all the while never breaking eye contact with you.

You lay your hand on the ground beneath the paw, and sit.
The fox says nothing, as it cannot speak the language of man, though its eyes are a gilded hallway, a grandly lit gallery of ethereal knowledge and experience unattainable through the words of the tongue.
It pours wisdom into you, and you invest deeply in understanding what it has to teach.
Time passes.
The sun rises and sets upon you, sated in sedation at the hands of a lone canid and the knowledge it bestows.

After many moons have waxed and waned, the fox raises its paw and looks toward the sky.
The world begins to return to you, the smell of the air, the feel of the sandy dirt around you and the weight of mortality all creep back into your conscious mind, as if your brain has just received a to-do list and is trying to complete everything at once.

Dazed and confused, you look up to see the fox slowly walking away into the wastes.
“Wait!” you yell hoarsely. *cough-cough* “What am i supposed to do with this? How do i use this knowledge, what does it all mean?”
The fox pauses before bounding back over to you.
It slowly approaches your face before licking you on the nose.
It sneezes twice before once more turning around and ambling off into the distance.

As the red fox fades out of sight, you wonder to yourself what it all meant.
So much time elapsed in the eyes of a wanderer, unparalleled experience that cannot be comprehended by the sane or sound.
Journeying through universes with alternate laws and incalculable differences to one another.
Where our minutes could become years, and matter could be created from nothing as if it were the apparition of some wizard or warlock.

Swimming in an ocean of possibility, your mind commands you to do only one thing.
Your body lurches suddenly and throw yourself into the pit.
Plummeting relentlessly, time once again dilates to nothing before finally you stop falling.
Instantly and without sensation, you are surrounded by pure blackness.

Time stops moving, or at least it appears to.
You feel no more hungry or thirsty than earlier that day, and after some time your mind begins to rest, freeing itself of the curiosity and fear that had previously prompted so many unanswerable questions.
Floating aimlessly within an insurmountable black abyss, you wait.
Time passes.
—– — —– — — —-  — — — — — —

Within the blink of an eye, all that was black changes to bright blue.
You close your eyes to hide from the new brightness, which after a few seconds seems to be more than just a universe of blue to replace the old black nothingness.
There is dirt around you, and you are very close to it. Low even, as if laying face down.
There is a bright light above, and you feel itchy all over.
You start to move, walking on all fours like a lizard, you scurry impatiently across what appears to be nothing more than an open expanse of dirt and dust.
In the distance you notice a small shadow on the horizon, and with your rapidly improving motor skills, you bumble towards it to get a better look.
The blurred figure slowly develops into view and you begin to make out the visage of a lone human sitting in the dirt.

You sit and watch from afar for a while.
Once the sun sets, you stand and begin walking towards the human, who upon realizing you are there, vanishes into thin air, leaving a trail of grey dust whirling into the wind.
Everything slowly fades to black.

You reawaken atop a pile of lush green grass.
A babbling brook can be heard nearby, and the smell of sweet pine needles fills your sinus as fresh air wafts through a nearby stand of conifer trees.
The hole is gone, replaced by a small black box, made of metal with the characters “01” stamped on it in white.
It has no latches or panels, and is bolted to the concrete slab below it.

Confounded but at ease, you lay back into the grass and close your eyes, a gentle breeze blankets over your thick red coat and caresses your cheek.
A small orange butterfly flutters above you before landing delicately on your nose.
As you drift into slumber, twitching your ears playfully, you suddenly hear an ominous howling noise emanating from deep within the forest.
You fall asleep.

Humans & Utopia=Incompatible

Since the dawn of man we have aspired for a perfect society.
Peppered across our mythological foundation stories and religions alike, we are taught to strive in order to achieve a state of perfection, akin to ‘heaven on earth’.
Somewhere your every need can be met with ease, and trouble is nowhere to be seen.

One without crime and poverty, free of anguish and pestilence where all people would operate in such a way as to always bolster their fellow man.
I won’t be as bold as to say that this driving force has been the aspiration for all of our technological, political and social advancements, but i have gone to the effort to type it.

This ‘perfect world’ is one where no one need fear or hate, where all errors are either instantly resolved, or cease to happen at all due to each individual’s perfect participation in accordance to the utopian societies laws and customs.

All unified.
Working together, always for the greater good.
In my own mind, it likens to some kind of perfect,  crime-free anarcho-communistic egalitarian society.

This is where the humans come into the picture.

Humans are not only all different, but we are living in the modern day.
In this modern age, despite our technological advancements, medical, transportation and otherwise, we are still fraught with inequality.
In a world where 2043 people have possession of $7.71 billion of the world’s accumulated ‘wealth’, (There has been $8.2 billion worth of gold mined to date globally)
and around 1,000,000,000 people still live in poverty (Live on less than $1.25 a day),
we are a far cry from our proposed utopia. (All values $USD) (Current world economy based on resources, gold being the historical standard and a major current standard unit of measurement for wealth)

But lets assume, hypothetically that we can level the playing field somehow, perhaps it takes 500 years, or some magical edict instantly balances the world’s wealth distribution.

We are still faced with that annoying little dilemma of conscious thought,
and individuality.

Perhaps this Utopia will be free of the social confines of today’s society.
No longer taboos nor social terrorism.
No fear of reprisal, or conflict of any nature throughout society.

But what of our beliefs.
The things that set us apart from one another (beyond superfluous physical differences).
From religions and moral standing to political agenda, philosophical belief or even personal taste in art forms etc.

Variations such as these create schisms throughout society.
However, we can assume that in a utopian world, there will be some kind of unified center of governance, without corruption, and that society would acknowledge an acceptable code-of-conduct regarding morals globally, and that everyone would, for some reason, universally abide and enjoy where the moral bar was set.

We can assume this because, the slightest malcontent among even a single group of citizens would potentially incite a global uprising, as they spread that malcontent to others causing the established state of utopian living to fall from grace, perhaps permanently.
(Assuming the government quelled the uprising it would become a global totalitarian dictatorship, the government enforcers of social peace acting almost autocratically. This uprising would be considered crime as well, therefore uttering a resurgence of penalization)

This may seem unrealistic, considering the contentedness of the people and absence of crime, and you’d be right in assuming such.
But in a world with complete freedom from hostility and reprisal, there must be an allowance for the citizens to have freedom of thought, regardless of whether freedom of expression, freedom of speech and freedom of ownership are allowed or not.
Without the most basic of these (thought), we cease to be citizens or individuals, and instead would be more akin to worker drones in an infallible and never-changing society.

For whatever reason, we all think a little differently.
Some alot differently, however, we can assume that people lying far outside the spectrum of ‘acceptable behavior’ are afflicted with some ‘medical condition’ that can, in the future be remedied completely and effectively, therefore allowing the citizen to be fully integrated into society.

In the Utopian future, these little differences between us may not be enough to inspire the creation of new religions or paths of thought, as there simply is no need for further social progression.
We cater our designs to the purpose at hand, but without inspiration, without need or adversity to overcome, Utopia would be free of new ways of doing and thinking.
But what of traditions?

Are we to wait for them to just…die out?
This may never occur, as the modern world is fraught with peril, and new methods of thought and philosophy are constantly being adapted and old ones solidified because of this.
Humans develop new ideas and designs to overcome adversity.

The future must have beliefs, as shared beliefs form the backbone of societies standards, etiquette and function as a whole.
But whose beliefs will they be?

Christian? Islamic? Atheist perhaps?
How will one overcome the other? Will everyone just magically get converted to one or another?
Perhaps a scientific revelation disproves/proves the existence of God.
There will always be non-believers, and this discovery would likely lead to a great theistic war of some kind, one way or the other.

It seems like the only way to achieve Utopia is through total, omnipotent domination of the entire populaces beliefs, and to keep their loyalty by providing ideal living conditions, (Kind of like taking really good care of your dog).
To achieve this, the removal of all other schools of thought is a relative necessity.
There needs to be ABSOLUTELY no imbalance between each person’s ability to interact, sympathize, socialize, empathize and actualize in order to sustainably maintain Utopia.

Harmony depends on resonating at the same levels, not marginally different ones.
Upsetting the balance of equality may create a ripple effect,  disrupting people in waves as the original person’s poor disposition affects those around him/her.

Despite absolutely everything that seems to stand in the way of Utopia, i believe we will one day, many painstaking years from now, achieve absolute global equality and peace.

The only question remaining is;

Which system of belief will claim the title of ‘undisputed, undeniable & untranscendable way to think, feel and act in accordance with society and your fellow man’?

Or perhaps it was ‘how many will have to be purged or forcibly converted in order for this to be achieved’?

Moral irony aside, Utopia appears to be a fleeting concept.
Perhaps our moments of perfection in life are the only true embodiment of utopia.
That utopia is in fact, a feeling or state of being as opposed to a being of state.

Maybe its a cold beer on a hot summer night, the perfect peace of the green forest or the warm embrace of a loved one.
Next time your life seems perfect, even though its only for a moment, you may think to yourself ((“I’m in Heaven right now!”))
However, theologians across the globe will tell you otherwise.

What you’re actually thinking is;
{{I’m in Utopia right now}}

The best feeling in the world.
Shared by us all, no matter how different the reason or the person feeling it.

Heaven stands to be seen.

De-Humanisation & The lives we lead

Modern society is filled with bells and whistles.
New fashion, new gadgets and an ever-changing sphere of what is ‘trendy’ and ‘cutting-edge’.

We live today in a world of distractions.
Meaningless ‘filler’ items, sold to you under the guise of ‘self-development’ or the acquisition of fame and social credentials.

These inconsequential choices, such as “What colour iPhone should i get?”, we face everyday, and are the building blocks of a troubled life.

In this scenario, it becomes all too easy to forget about the truly important aspects.
Those essentials required to change a directionless fumble through time into a rich, fulfilling experience.

If you find yourself waking up each day to confusion, fear and misdirection, wondering what you can do to turn your existence into a lifestyle, you too may need to reevaluate.

What do we want?
To be happy.
But how do we attain happiness?

Go short, and grab a few pick-me-ups, and find yourself forever searching for new sources to prolong the feeling.
With each quick-fix, each one proceeding it becomes less and less effectual.
This is the plight of the addict.
The eternal struggle of balancing the constant barrage of bad news we receive to reach a contented middle ground.

We all do it, or have been in this situation before.
Eventually, after years of grinding against your own dissatisfaction, we are faced with an ultimatum:

Commit to a life of trying to negate the personal impacts of our world forever, or to look into the future.
To look into our truest selves, and discover how to maintain our balance in a sustainable  way.

Rule of thumb; if the thing/feeling you need is sourced from an external source that is unsecured (drugs, food, validation, sex, the list goes on…..), it is NOT sustainable.

Every second of life is a war.
A war against decay, an infinite maintenance of our positions here, within our own minds and in the view of others.

Would you feed your soldiers with handouts?
Load your cannons with forks and spoons?
What happens when one day, support for your cause wanes, and the hand-outs stop coming?
Your force disbands, and your cause is lost until you find the support to raise the banner once more.
After all, Mercenaries are not known for their loyalty or morale.

Do it right.
Build your army from battle-hardened regulars.
Feed them with homegrown crops and never lose sight of your supply lines.
Keep them open, or better yet, build your own.
Soldiers march fastest as the crow flies.

Whatever you want in life, remember this:
If you blow all your funding on mercenaries and fancy gadgets to shock and awe your contemporaries, you may earn their temporary respect, or even admiration.
But once the fighting truly starts, all of these quick-fixes will evaporate away.

Only home-grown troops and resources cannot be sequestered by others.
Only by investing time, effort and care into the development of the self, can we resist and overcome adversity.

Invest in the only force that will never leave or disband.
Invest in yourself.
Invest in your self-esteem, and value the only thing you will ever truly possess and experience directly.

You are Mr. or Mrs. X.
And this is your life.

“There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in introduction of a new order of things”
                                                                                                 -Niccolo Machiavelli

Autumn Rust

The background steadily dissolves away as your eyes are drawn into the centre.
Towards that single point of absolute investing focus.
There are no ‘other things’ or ‘different perspectives’ in this world.

Just a freshly-framed picture, every second of every day.
Each one appearing crisp and bold with definitive contrast, before a point is selected, and the periphery begins to exponentially corrode into that ubiquitous rusty blur that surrounds everything we cherish within the borders of our perception.

No amount of rustoleum can prevent this.
No quantity of refurbishments can lift its oxidizing growth once initialized.
All is consumed.
All, except that tiny moment.
That ever-resistent speck of data among a memorial sea of autumn-hued forgottens.

It lives on in each as a reflection of our own time-honored perceptions, and to remind you that there is always more than what we care to remember seeing.

Always another page to the chapter, another side to leaf accompanied by another insect we have yet to meet, but never will.

For he does not exist, this beyond-beckonable bug is yet another riddle pasted upon the mind’s crumbling prologue.
To know his name would be to forget the greeting card of another, as much as one cannot catch two trains at once, no matter how ‘on-time’ they may be.

The question is not ‘which bug do i want to meet’ and it never will be.
It is simply, “Do i wish to meet this bug?”

To which there is only ever one true option. Only one that requires us to invest time and energy into its manifestation.



Submerged in a bubble, a thin prismatic film refracting the light into its hollow volume within.
The red checkered floor tiles, some pieces overlapping to reveal a blank and slightly  chipped fibre-board floor.
There, off in the distance across the bubble, a small metal valve is lodged directly through the bubble’s reflecting radius.
This is where the gas is injected.
There are many gases.
Some of these gases have both benevolent and malevolent properties, if applied correctly.
I am not sure who controls the admission.  Perhaps there is a red button somewhere.
One thing guaranteed throughout, they are po-tent. Always applicable, seldom renegotiable and always a value guarantee.
Or your money back. Within 24 hours of purchase.

Some eras ago, there was a day when the injection never came.
The button-presser just kept waiting and waiting.
The cities fell first into tyranny.
1 full day of civilization rending, page turning historical devolution.
Starting with the latest chapter.
Chapter 26: “This chapter is incomplete. Please complete chapter to see review”

But that’s kind of o.k, really.
Chapter reviews were never an accurate reminder of the trials at the time, or the adversity overcome.
As one looks back, the once real becomes surreal, changing forever within the frame of your mind’s limits.

There is only one time that exists.
That is this moment your spending right now.
The ever-present Present presenting itself presently.
Trust Master Oogway on this one:
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present”.

Power and Control

Something so striven for throughout human history is Power and Control.
The ability to dictate the terms of engagement.
To align and assign at sheer command of will with no discrepancy.

Millions of humans have perished, decapitated and mangled beyond recognition in order to maintain it.
Environments laid to waste to deny it, and the profits extracted to prolong it.
Ideals developed purely with its continuation at the center stage.

Ironically, it is always for nothing.

Power exists only when it is given, and can only be taken when it is no longer being wielded by another.
Eventually, there will always be a hungrier fish with a bigger gun.
To hold power over anything makes one into the oppressor of all others who also vie for that power, and will always lead to their eventual demise.

Control, as a ‘valid’ concept, doesn’t actually exist.
By definition, control is represented by being able to maintain a set of variables absolutely.
There is no such thing as ‘partial control’, as this invariably means that some variables are uncontrollable.
If we limit our range of variables, we can control anything to a tee.
Though realistically, what is the use of being able to dominate the action of one small set of variables, overlooking self-preservation of course.

Man was not meant to hold the responsibility of another.
We cannot know control, truly.
We experience coincidence, and confirm it as dictation.
We estimate, based on what we believe to know, and summarily confirm our ability to control when the variables fall in our favour.

What we have come to know as control, is actually external manipulation.
The configuring of variables into allocated sets of outcomes, and predetermining the end results, aligning them with a situation that can be considered pleasing.

Perhaps one day soon, the laws we have come to know and anticipate will change.
Our scientific discoveries will open up new ways of understanding, and dictate new configurations of variables that we can manipulate.
Perhaps it has already happened, and is constantly changing.

Control, and the Power that comes with it, are merely perceptions of the mind, or minds, of those who choose to conform to the necessitation of the variables being observed.

“This sentence is in Spanish when you’re not reading it”

First Response

We all have emotions.
Immeasurable attachments and predispositions towards certain external stimulus that trigger differing amounts of chemical release inside our brains.

As we grow and change, these levels and stimuli change with us.
What was once a wonderful occasion can become a psychological nightmare.
We grow accustomed to new things, whatever appeals to our current needs and can be incorporated by our current interests and ideals.

But what of despair.
Of nihilistic distress, and existential devaluation.

Such concepts are never felt by most, at least not as more than a passing glimpse in times of temporal suffering.
For the select unlucky few, these emotionally-parasitic concepts can bring about total destruction of the self.

Without a future-proof identity, one can only wonder what the meaning of life truly is.
Could it be that emotions are simply the product of biological necessity?
Do we feel purely to enhance/enable the attraction of a mate, and the procreation of our species, or do they possess greater meaning?

Some may say that emotions are simpler, more basal things, limited to happiness, anger, sadness and the like, and perhaps concepts such as existentialism are unrelated, psychological hang-ups that may induce emotional response.
But i beg to differ.

Feelings are a natural first-response to social stimulus, and external stimulus of many varieties. If the first response to stimulus is to ask ‘Why?’ without feeling, can it infact be considered an emotional response of sorts?

Clinically, it would be considered psychopathy, or sociopathy in a human context.

The real consideration here is that, if a large enough percentage of people (over 1% of total population seems fair to consider it a measurable anomaly) have a ‘psychopathic’ response to stimuli, can it be considered a ‘textbook’ response, and if so, is it relatively normal?

Crazy is as crazy does i suppose.