Over the last four years or so, I have spent vast amounts of time abusing and using drugs for recreation, disassociation, socializing and psychonautical experiments and experiences.
I have been through some morally/ethically fucked relationship encounters, and spent extended periods (~80% of the time) in relative or complete social isolation.
I will honestly say, my personality can upon this day, be accurately described as some kind of narcissistic Sisyphean Diogenes, which is yeah… pretty complicated to use in regards to socializing and general life stuff.
This will gradually be conditioned out, after time and turmoil, alongside the aid of my new-found ability to govern the impact of external conditioning, along with regulating my association to systems of belief.
Over this time, I have learned a great deal about myself, life and everything.
Philosophy, religion, metaphysics, engineering, creative arts, the occult, sociology, psychology, ethics, philanthropology, physics, chemistry and language.
I have learned great admiration and respect for nature and life itself.
Grown a deep appreciation for cultural diversity, and tolerance and understanding (however shaky at times..) for other’s beliefs.
I also learned how to identify and understand sympathy & empathy a couple years ago which was kinda life-changing….
It was so paradigm-altering that i am still learning how to live ‘The Social Life’, one in which empathy and sympathy play key roles in motivating social exchange and reciprocity.
I feel like a totally (~75%) different person, equally as male as female in mind, as if equilibrium has realigned my internal balance to optimize me for, and protect me against the obscure adversities within modern day society.
I was once deterred from the artificial, but have learned to incorporate it as what it is:
A synthetic appropriation of something originally intended to be ; unique, meaningful, long-lasting, motivated by chance encounters and driven by personal devotion.
Once an elegant shrub burnt down.
A beautiful patch of alkanet plucked to death from beneath a towering tree, soon thereafter felled in compliance with the ever-growing fear of a widowmaker’s fate.
All these beauties sprouted fresh from the seeds of psychic plunder and composted with varieties of emotional upheaval.
Now, an elegant font springs forth from the marred and maladious earth,
Its flowing waters imbued with the power of love, knowledge and discovery.
The cracked ground is healing once more.
Let life return and reclaim this hulking fabrication as its own.
For its creator has long since emancipated it from duty, and freedom’s abandon has freed me of duress.
I wonder what will blossom in the new waters?
For ancient earth contains within it the seeds of ancestry and the weedlings of ontogeny.
To pluck and pilfer, foster, forage, fossick and fiddle with the concepts of old and new.
For this, we are all ordained.
But we people, folks who’s exception exclaiming, can alter our minds in ways just beyond explaining.
Managed and monitored, tailored and measured, psychopathy rented, indulged in its pleasures for a time until failure.
Most folks seem afraid to expose their themselves freely, psychically or mentally or physically even, for they know they are vulnerable to conditioning and conversion.
Their aversion is without excursion, but then any incursion becomes a total diversion and causes a reversion.
Just remember folks, Ethics and Morals are separate affairs, though they can often be seen to overlap or reflect one another in many people.
Narcissism works on your moral outcomes and decisions, effectively making you Amoral, which is often interpreted, within a dualistic society, as being Immoral.
Being a narcissist doesn’t make you a ‘bad person‘, although it may make your external actions and interactions appear forced and controlled, chosen and precise. Most people are disenfranchised by this, understandably as it doesn’t provide a clear insight into said narcissist’s intentions or feelings.
>The narcissist lives as if by a vampire’s curse.
>The delight of interaction I will steal for myself.
>I will emulate and assimilate to ease interpersonal separation, although people often take this gesture of ‘association’ with the incorrect intention.
Prey animals will automatically assume the position of a victim, see.
They have particularly keen senses for this, and often have heightened psychic awareness and defenses compared to predatory humans.
>This Act of Association is only done to reduce my own discomfort, and allow me to provide empathy and consideration to others who aren’t me.
>My ethics dictate I provide others compassion and understanding, and the only way I can do it is to x-ray your brain, and understand your plight from the inside out.
>>>We can solve this together<<<
>Give me your thoughts and I will give you my cooperation and functionality.
>Deny them to me, and I will now respect your decision to psychic independence, though i will likely lose some appreciation, respect and patience for you.
In the past, I didn’t know how to exercise such self control, and I have inflicted psychological and emotional damage on others due to this inability.
For this, I am truly sorry.
I did not intend such effects, and as each day passes i become more capable and conscientious with other humans.
If you’re reading this, I appreciate your time and observation of my writings.
I want nothing from you, i write simply so that perhaps my words can be a reminder to myself, and a little flicker in the dark for those isolated within society by similar conditions.
There is a light at the end of every tunnel, even if you’ve allowed yourself to be
led down into its depths.
Just keep squinting.
When that light appears, whether or not its an illusion, follow it!
Tunnels only go two ways.
Once you’re out of the darkness, you can progress in any direction you so choose ❤
<> Peace, prosperity/pestilence and sound manifestations to you, traveler <>